Umm I'm too high to move.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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