I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
