don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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