ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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