i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
