it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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