You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
