dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
