If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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