I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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