I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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