That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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