KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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