drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
