party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
