I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
