i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
there's paper in my vomit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
