I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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