They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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