call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize