Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
