do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you have to choose: penises or morals?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my poor anus
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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