Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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