I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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