she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
