from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
