I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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