You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
