His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
