he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
