She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize