is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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