i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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