PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
