Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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