this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
