So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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