You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
