Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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