So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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