Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
