so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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