You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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