i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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