So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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