Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
