your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize