I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The best revenge is premature balding
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
