Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
