ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
