I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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