there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
