yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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