real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i love accidental penises.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize