Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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