I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
