I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
