Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
