Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
