Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
