My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
