then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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