We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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