I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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