Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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