If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize