Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
