I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
