sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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